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ashleycakes To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity Mar 23, 2009 7:19 AM To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana. 6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk. 7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 9. Sing Along At The Opera. 10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ' I Won! I Won!' 12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
ashleycakes The Twilight Before Christmas Dec 15, 2008 7:38 AM The Twilight Before Christmas And for anyone who has actually seen the movie and was as disappointed as I was this is for you. :rotfl:
ashleycakes Profound thoughts Sep 2, 2008 8:14 PM 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss-off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 3. No one is listening until you fart. 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. :rotfl: 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it. 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen. 13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment. 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass..... then things just get worse. 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
ashleycakes Bad day at Hallmark Aug 14, 2008 12:52 PM Some funny would-be greeting cards from a Hallmark employee having a bad day... 1. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! 2. Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. 3. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. 4. How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? 5. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .. I've changed my mind. 6. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. 7. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me. 8. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia ) 9. I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. 10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? 11. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep.
ashleycakes Check me out! Aug 9, 2008 10:55 AM http://teamsugar.com/group/212775/blog/1854469 :medal: This was nearly the death of me last night. :faint:

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