Some funny would-be greeting cards from a Hallmark employee having a bad day...

1. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

2. Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

3. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

4. How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

5. I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

6. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

7. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

8. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

9. I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

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